My Provider

"Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God."
- Galatians 3:5

In the last several months, I've learned so much in terms of trusting God, having faith, and simply - but not so simply, believing in His promises. I don't even know, if I could tell you what exactly I have learned, because I feel like what I've learned isn't anything I've gathered myself. I, knowing my doubts and lack of faith, began to search the Scriptures, seek truth, and bring my honest prayers before the Lord.

Searching and consistently being regular in His Word has just helped me. Reading about His continual providence and seeing how He's in control even when it seems like He's not, has really just spoke volumes to my non-trusting spirit.

It's been a constant thing for me to question and test whatever I hear and read. I've craved truth lately more than I ever have before. When I hear something I decipher it, test it to the Scriptures and I've latched on like a baby to the things that are true. The things that He has promised and has proved to keep time and time again, I've highlighted and referred back to several times when I feel my doubts arising. It has helped me greatly to simply seek and be open and ready to find and accept His truth, waiting for Him to speak in His timing. Believing, even if it felt like I didn't, that His timing is right and therefore perfect.

Honest prayer and quiet time before God has helped me be real with my lack of faith and feeling of disbelief. Expressing my confusion within the Church and the dull, non-passionate life I can often find myself living. Just being free to go before Him and lay those at His feet has helped me. It helped me be real and honest with myself, and open up to Him, what He already knew. It was freeing and in doing so, He was able to begin His work in me.

During the past several months,t here hasn't been one particular verse that stood out and suddenly gave me trust or a moment where I strongly felt the shifting of the Holy Spirit within me, it was just a gradual realization as I read that God IS always there and He DOES always provide. I've prayed and I've believed. I'm seeking and I'm trusting. I have faith and He is keeping His promises.

Caribou Coffee has YET to hire me, or even give me a second interview. A week or so after I returned to Minnesota, I was told quite confidently, that Caribou would hire me. I, hearing this new was elated, of course! They've got great benefits and since I've worked there before, I was just excited to get back into that environment.

I had filled out an application, before I was even back in the state, so I had a friend who works there mention my interest in a job to the manager and the manager was interested in hiring me. I stopped in a few days later, introduced myself to the manager and became acquainted. I ended up calling in a few days later, to see if an interview could be set up that week. An interview time was schedule and it went really well. I was told she, the manager, was being transferred so, my second interview would have to be with the incoming manager. He was to be starting two weeks for the interview, but she said to expect a call from him the next week.

The next week comes and goes. I was unsure with the next move. So, I stop into Caribou and the manager who interviewed me was there and asked if I'd heard from Bob, the new manager. I told her I hadn't and she said, she was surprised he didn't do anything about it and that he was now on vacation for the rest of the week.

Cool. I waited the rest of the week and still hadn't heard from him on Tuesday of the next week, so I called in on his second day officially at the store. Being his second day, he hadn't even looked at applications but had plans to that Thursday and he said he'd give me a call sometime that weekend - which I was going to be out of town, but I thought at least we're headed in the right direction. So, the weekend came and went and I didn't hear back from him.

Even cooler. I went into Caribou that week to write, this, and while I was ordering my Cold Press with White Chocolate - because it was sooo nice out, I asked if Bob was working. It was he, who was taking my order, so I introduced myself and he apologized, that he still hadn't had time to take a look at applications. I sympathized and he told me if I don't hear from him by Thursday, I should give him a call.

Said Thursday, is tomorrow and I haven't heard from him. He's got one day, before I come knocking on his door call him.

Should I be worried? maybe, but I haven't been. Should I doubt, I'll get the job? maybe, but it hasn't crossed my mind. Should I be concerned with my money status? maybe, but I really haven't been. It's been over a month without having a job, but I've trusted and believed, without worry or concern that God will provide me with the money I need and a job in his time! I've trusted his promise and He really has kept it.

In the last month, I have babysat so many times, providing me with enough money to keep my gas tank full, pay car insurance and the cell phone bill, all while being able to do fun things with family and friends. Seriously, God is good and He is proving Himself faithful to me these days! Honestly, my funds should be on zero, but their not. I could be worried about finding a job in this economy, but I'm not. If it's not Caribou, I trust it will be something else, something better. He has been working in me and in my life. Working out my doubts and non-trusting spirit by proving to me, that He is my Provider.